apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
