Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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