sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
