omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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