My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
