Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
jump out the window naked night went bad
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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