I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i dont even know how to be here
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
