dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
