i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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