Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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