U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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