Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
