he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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