Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
