Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
