dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Randomize
