I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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