she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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