The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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