a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
