3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
