Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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