someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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