Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
