Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
