It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
