this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
