Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
