i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
