I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
