Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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