Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
