if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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