took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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