Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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