She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
