i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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