I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
