Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
