There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
