It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
