I like to think it a success when the cops are called
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
