you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
