If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
