We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
