Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
