Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Green mimosas i think yes
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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