So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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