he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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