at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
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